Le Sigh

Greetings friends.

It's another wistful, sad blog I'm afraid. At home on my lunch break, I told Chris that I think the stress I feel is starting to manifest itself physically - my neck and back are tight, I've been having headaches - and all the while I'm eating healthy and working out daily! Ok, ok, so I slept in this morning - we were up late watching "I Am Legend" (side note: wierd ending, and really, I don't like zombie movies. Far too intense. This is me: "Ahh..scary! I don't like this movie. Hold my hand!" This is Chris: "(insert laughing) It's just a movie!" Me: "Shut up.").

But back to the point. I am ball of stress as of late.

Do you ever look back on life and say, "you know, I really thought I would be further along by the time I was (insert age here)?" That's the way I feel. Back in high school, I thought by the time I was pushing 30, I'd be homeowner and have this great career, and be married with kids. I guess one outta three ain't bad, but I'd thought I'd at least have two. My parents had a house by the time I was 5 - which made my mom 26, two years younger than I am now. But their parents helped them with the down payment, and back then, parents worked at companies 50 years and had pensions and social security and healthcare taken care of and could afford to pitch in a few thou for a down payment. As a gift! (The moneylenders won't give you the mortgage if the downpayment is a loan, did you know that? I just found that out).

Nowadays our parents struggle like everyone else and no one really has a few thou sitting around. Nowadays houses are foreclosing like balloons being popped at a carnival booth. Nowadays asinine "leaders" are discussing charging entrance to even go INTO San Francisco. Nowadays we pay 15% of our paycheck to pay for a war over nothing? For what?

I am not a "sit back and take it" kind of girl, so when I get depressed about our current situation, I scour the internet for expert advice on improving our lives, our finances, etc.: "Get out of debt now!" "Top ten money secrets!" "How to make a living doing what you love!"

The problem is, the advice is all the same. The advice doesn't tell you what to do if you live paycheck to paycheck. They all advise to cut your debt - but "debt" is not the same as monthly bills: phone bill, car payment, rent payment, car insurance, health insurance, groceries, gas... what do you if where you live is just too damn expensive? If LIFE is just too damn expensive? If you make a decent living wage and it still isn't enough? If the country you live in just gets worse and worse.

And as always, I am a lucky one. There are thousands and thousands of people out there way worse than I am - yes, I stress, but the only times I really feel unhappy is when I pay the bills. Besides that, we have plenty. I have clothes, good food, great kids, a comfortable place to live. Our needs our met. Yes, my hair resembles the bleach blond-black roots of the 80s. Yes, it would be nice to wear contacts when I exercise so my glasses don't slowly slide down my sweaty nose. Yes, I'd be nice if I didn't have to hope I can add my classes in the fall and instead could just register and pay tuition early. I'm ok. Our family is ok. We have plenty. And one day, things won't be so stressful.

But today, you know... they are.