The new dream

I just got off the phone with my wonderful marvelous husband (oh, how I do love him), and we had an interesting conversation. So many thoughts are rolling around in my head, that I had to get them down...

The hubby's current employment has ceased to make him happy, and he is looking around for a new gig. He's looking at a more corporate environment rather than a restaurant this time around, for various reasons. One is money - restaurants are notoriously low on the salary scale. The other is us, his family. The Disneyland trip - pics coming soon, promise! - made him really realize how much his schedule makes him miss out on family time. Corporate dining offers a M-F, 6a-3ish kind of schedule.

Much like Magnum, I shouldn't even be talking about this, he only just applied. However, I didn't realize how serious he was about it until today - he already talked to the nanny about switching her schedule and to his mom about filling in the day care gaps (Houston, we are a go). This is a huge deal, because I usually take care of 98% of that kind of planning (Cleaning and cooking, Chris has me trumped. But I am the planner in this relationship). For him to do that kind of legwork means he is serious serious.

The implications are major. More family time, more money, less stress. But also, a bit of guilt for me. It feels a bit like growing up and leaving the childhood dream behind. This is not to say he'll never cook in a restaurant again or open his own restaurant (and even if he didn't, I really don't care, as long as he is happy with his work), but we both are acutely aware that money once gained is hard to walk away from. He's been so supportive of my dreams - the ones that involve school and graphic design and more creativity and working from home one day - that I shudder to be the cause of him taking a step away from his.

Sure, it will be nice to pay off the bills, but if this is the path we take, I hope we both have the courage to re-visit the dream one day soon... if that's what he wants. However, as I write this, I realize maybe the dream has changed.* He told me yesterday that "he wants his work to be a means to provide for his family, and not the other way around." So maybe the dream now is summer evenings playing baseball with Pumpkin, more playtime with the Lumpkin, dinners at home, weekend family trips, etc. Perhaps that will make him happier than the "glamour" of working at a high-profile restaurant. And granted, it will definitely be a bonus for all of us.

Hearing all this talk about providing for his family and how much we mean to him, etc., etc. makes me fall in love with him all over again. It's just so... manly (heehehee). Really though, of course I know we mean that much to him, but it's very heartwarming to learn that we - me - are the dream, ya know? It also makes me feel much, MUCH too adult.

Disclaimer: I do not profess to know what is in my husband's head, these are only my own thoughts. (Honey, don't kill me for blogging about you and... get used to it). :)